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Important News:
[ Jun 14, 2007 ]
Future of the Band

There are a lot of rumors floating around, most of them having been floated by band members (usually in a highly suggestable state, legally known as 'shit faced'). I'm going to put an end to the speculation and let everyone know exactly what the facts are before people get too panicky and/or despondant.

Ok, elephant in the room- the answer is YES, the rumors are true.
Then Again is adding an Umlaut.

So why the Umlaut? Ok, yeah, i'm laughing at that question too. Obviously it speaks for itself. Just to play devil's advocate for a moment, lets review the rich history of the Metal Umlaut.

Think I'm kidding? This is some kind of joke? Well fuck you, because in fact TA is so metal that they have decided to kick it up yet another notch! One Umlaut is totally metal, we all know that. But what about TWO Ümläuts? Ok, thats huge. Only the truly awesome Mötley Crüe have dared to rock the Double Umlaut. But guess what?

But it doesnt end there. I told you people this was big news, and its freaking groundbreaking. No band, be they nary so Metal, has ever dared come up with this idea. Its so simple, its brilliant, and yet did Einstëin think it up? Hell no. Because he's dead. Im talking about, the uncharter, untested, unebelieveable, Sätan inspired TRIPLE UMLAUT.

Beginning immediately, this band will only respond to posts, inquiries, offers, and cash checks under the name Thën Ägäïn. Because only 3 Umlauts is for real pussies. 4 UMLAUTS! There, I said it. Cats out of the bag. Now go about your business. Beat it.

"It's like a pair of eyes. You're looking at the umlaut, and it's looking at you."
David St Hubbins
Spinal Tap

Thën Ägäïn. is hereby copywrited by Thën Ägäïn and may only be used with express written, verbal, implied, suggested, or assumed permission of Thën Ägäïn. All Metal-Inspired rights expressly reserved by Thën Ägäïn.

Thën Ägäïn.

Where I Have Been Hiding
[ Feb 20, 2007 ]
magnifico2.jpg Hi everyone. For those who have noted the marked improvement in the professionalism and quality of TAs production over the last couple weeks- its probably because i've been out of town and my duties have been taken over by random bar patrons who mistakenly believe they are playing Guitar Hero. After all, the top 3 questions sound men get when people bother to talk to them (which is rare in itself) are 1)Do you know what all those buttons do? 2)Is that hard? and 3)Play the Thong Song. I understand the last one is not a question. Nevertheless, all the answers are an emphatic 'NO'.

Anyway, Mr Dayjob took me away from a couple of shows, but this last one was due to the fact that i cant read a damned calendar and managed to sign up for a pond hockey tournament in far Northern Wisconsin the same weekend as a Joe's show. Missing the show was bad enough, but agreeing to play pond hockey in February in Eagle River Wisconsin is plainly idiotic. But I agreed to it and im fairly glad i did (after counting all my toes upon getting home anyway).

Basically my team The Fighting Hellfish rolled out of town Friday morning at 6am. I drove one of the vehicles, and when i opened my garage door that morning it was 25 degrees below zero wind chill. 350 miles South of where we were about to play hockey on an open sheet of ice. The odds of surviving without a Tauntaun were slim. A flask of Jack would have to do. The crew was me, Zippy, Golden, Lars, Lisa, and Kevin. Yeh, i realize that sounds more like a speed metal band than a hockey team, but we did alright, as far as bronze division hockey goes.

Although it seemed suicidal, we persevered and made the 6 hour trek through cheddar country without incedent. Insanely, it ended up being 20 degrees warmer in Eagle River than it was in Chicago. Go figure. Anway, we got up there, dropped our crap off, and strapped on our equipment for a 2pm game. Oh, and slammed about 20 beers before venturing outside. This was purely medicinal.

Anyway, the games I vaguely remember (although they were very fun, and i did indeed wear my Mexican Wrestling Mask at all times) but the partying was top notch. Basically as soon as the games ended, we would rush into a warming tent and they would shove a 12 pack of Labatts at us to warm us up. Then we' d head back to our rooms for a quick clean-up, slam another case of beer, and jump on to the buses that took us to the bars. Pub crawling with 500 hockey players in a town of 200 is pretty intense. Remarkably there was apparently 1 bar in town for every 6 residents, because they just kept taking us to different places.

Anyway, long story short, you can play pond hockey completely blind drunk and I do recommend it. And as long as shuttle buses and vans keep picking you up and telling you where to go, you can also have a pretty sweet bender in Northern Wisconsin. You can also do the robot alone on the dance floor in front of a hundred strangers. So thats my excuse. Bad soundman.

The Egg-Tree goes to Congress
[ Dec 18, 2006 ]
display_photo.jpg Teach a man to scramble, feed him for a day. But plant an egg, and feed the world.

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